Shaking and Breaking Tables; First Date Edition.

Can we go home already? 🙄

Today, we break dating tables;

Shall we?

Yes, we shall. 

So, let's start by asking: How many of y'all went on a real date before starting your relationship?

Did you start with: "So when are you coming to see me?" 

Or did you start with: My friends and I would be hanging at xyz lounge, you could come if you want...." ??

Or were you 'toasted' (asked out) over the phone? Or with: "I like you, talk your own" 😂

Share with me in the comments session if you're not shy 😉

Okaaaaay, jokes and bants apart, let's talk dates. Not 'play dates', girls night, or guys hangout, but dates- An outing planned by a potential (or already existing) couple. 

I've heard of a few bad first dates tales, including mine (well, I was 16... So it doesn't count...does it? 🤔) and they all start with one or both parties not paying attention to certain details/rules and regulations of dating.

I know right? Dating has rules? Lol.

 Let's get to them:

1. Everyone should go on dates: A date gives you a 'reason' to dress up, make an impression on each other. It shows you both made an effort to get to know each other in a mutually interesting environment. It gives a 'platform' to ask questions, observe and decipher what you'd like and wouldn't like from a potential partner in a public space, with an open mind. 

So, if you're about starting a new relationship, go on dates, it builds a connection that would be drawn from if you both end up in a beautiful, long term relationship, and if you don't, you had fun, and you have a story to tell. 😁

If you're already in a relationship, regular date nights or outings keep the 'fires' burning. It helps keep the edge and fun in your relationship. Especially when you've been together awhile and gotten used to each other. The 'I got the girl' or 'I got the man' syndrome sets in and you'll want to avoid that. 😉

2. If you invite someone on a date, you should prepare to pay for it, unless mutually agreed otherwise.

Let's talk money. It's important. 

Okay, shots fired. Let's break this down a bit more. We know it's expected that the man pays for the date, but in polite society, the person who did the inviting, does the payment or provision (if you invite them for dinner at your place maybe). However, say a woman invites a man for a date (and she's ready to pay) the man could decline and pay instead, especially if it's a first date. 

If you're in a relationship already, it's required that you take turns in taking each on dates. So this is something you both should put money aside for, cos romance has no gender. 😊

3. Before going on a date, prepare to ask and answer questions. Lots of questions. Dating is not just about the 'feelings', the 'adrenaline' and all mushy mushy stuff we see on TV (unless you're already in a relationship 😉). So if you're trying to get to know someone, have a list and criteria of questions prepared to ask. If not sure what to ask, google it. Or read Steve Harvey's books 😉

Lady or gentleman, we all should know the rules ;) 

It helps to determine the values you share, especially to figure out if you both want the same things i.e. she just wants to have fun, while he's looking for a wife. Ding dong! Alarm bells...! 

4. When preparing for a date, inquire about preferences. No room for selfishness here, unless you're capable of whisking the person off to a dream location you're 100% sure they'll love.

 Try as much as possible to go a place where you both will be comfortable and would be able to say at the end of the date; "I had a good time". 

Hint: Movies might not be fantastic for a first date...

5. A date is not a time to talk about exes. Should I increase the volume? 

My friend Morena once shared a story of an Ice cream  date she went on (Shoulda been fun, right?) where the guy couldn't stop talking (more like whining) about his ex for about 40 minutes straight. How she left him for a richer man, and blah, blah, blah. Morena quietly finished her Ice cream and asked to leave. Guy got angry, reminding her that he paid for her Ice cream whose cost would have fed someone for a week! Ouch. Morena then pays the guy for the Ice cream, leaves 'guy' to his misery. Little wonder his ex left huh? 

PS: Remember rule 2? Yeah, even when the "payer" has been established, don't eat/buy more than what YOU can afford. Especially on a first date where you don't know each other that well. Anything could happen. 😖

Back to rule 5: Exes are in the past. The important thing for your new friend or potential partner to know is that it's truly over. Save the sob story for your girl/guy friends. However, once you're comfortable with the new person, you can share more details (no, not for pity or whining sake) for history sake. If they don't ask tho, it's better to leave it that way. 

6. At the end of your date, do say 'Thank you'. Pretty basic right? But lots of people forget to do it. 'Thank you for the meal' or 'thank you for sharing this place with me' or 'I had a great time, thank you'. Or whatever floats your boat. It says a lot about your personality if you're just getting to know each other, and it shows your appreciation for your partner if you're already in a relationship. 'Thank yous' are always important. 

7. No, don't wait for 3 days to call him or her afterwards. I'm sure you've heard this one before, especially in movies or self-help books. Well, this is real life. If you like him or her, had a good time, and would like to see where it leads, talk to them regularly. Build on that connection you established in number one. Don't just call them when you're bored lonely or have nothing to do, try to be a part of their day. Anything good can grow from there! 

Well, make it happen ;) 

So go on that date this weekend ;) have a good time practicing the rules. You're welcome. 😊

See you soon,

XoXo; RHD 💜💜