What do you do when you find out a partner cheated/Is cheating?
Cheating, Cheaters, And cheats!
What do you do when you find out a partner cheated/Is cheating?
Cheating has been the cause of many broken marriages and relationships. It's a popular deal breaker. They cheat, you leave. Yet, people handle the betrayal of cheating differently.
It's so popular and easy to cheat in a relationships that it has become 'normal'.
You hear things like "every man cheats" or "You can't be content eating eba everyday, you'll want a taste of something else" or "when men cheat, its just for sex, when women cheat, it because their man messed up big time/ because they fell in love with someone else" and many more myths and selfish beliefs why people cheat on their partners.
I once dated a guy who cheated. How did I find out? He told me. Why did he cheat? He didn't know. He just woke up one day and realised he was in love with someone else. Ouch.
Fun fact: I saw It coming (yeah, I did... But that's story for another post) but didn't expect it to really happen. Oops.
So let's talk: What's the best approach to cheating? How do you handle the betrayal?
1. Stay mute and let it slide:
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| Right foot up, left foot sliiide... |
The old school style. It's usually safer In comforting arms, so it could be really hard to up and leave. We all know of a man that cheats regularly and his wife is used to or has accepted it and even makes jokes out of her husband's unfaithfulness. Sad yeah? But it happens. A lot more than we care to admit.
2. Call them out and cut them off;
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| Reality Drama style. |
3. Beat up the side chick:
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| Fact: There's an agency in China who helps scorned wives teach side chicks a 'lesson'. |
The hot blooded, no nonsense, nobody cheats me, baddass. We've all read about, seen movies and social media videos of people (especially women) who go as far as beating up or fighting with their man's "Side chick". I just wonder if this method would make the man become faithful... Or should they try beating up the cheating partner instead? Phew. Decisions, decisions.
4. Ruin the cheating partner or something they love:
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| Side chicks and wife becoming best friends... Only in movies yeah? |
So, in this movie "The other woman", the wife and the two side chicks find out they're being cheated on, and they connive to ruin the cheater. Starting with his self esteem (spiking his food with purgatives), his physical image (putting hair remover in his shampoo), his company and money (the final blow). It was a fun movie to watch and it looks like the perfect payback but could it be effective in real life?
5. A taste of their own medicine?
He/she cheats, you cheat back. 50/50, no cheating..... Could this possibly fix what was already broken? More harm than good could come from this, so why not just end things? Anger and hurt pushes people to do terrible things tho.
6. Ghost them and move on with your life??
Just disappear and move on with your life...? Sounds 'easier' if its a relationship, not a marriage with children involved. Easy way out for some folks. Some people have the "gift" of goodbye and moving on is easier for them.. They can do it with their eyes closed, can you?
7. Beg the side person to leave you boo alone; Dolly Parton style.
Remember the song "Jolene" by Dolly Parton? She did a remake recently with Pentatonix. And while lovers of Dolly and Pentatonix would enjoy the music, one can't help but wonder if those lyrics are actually being practiced by people....
I'm begging of you please don't take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please don't take him just because you can
But I could never love again
He's the only one for me
Jolene
My happiness depends on you.....
Ugh. Would "begging" help??
8. Prayer and fasting:
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| Yeah... You might have to put her/him in prayers... |
When everything else fails, God won't. So people of faith pray that the heart of a cheating spouse is changed, but sometimes, God is silent and we humans don't like pain and can't take "silent treatment" for too long, so when prayer seems not to "change" them, what next?
9. Professional Counselling:
Yes, I had to add 'professional' so we're sure it's not a friend or family member in question. Movies and books make counselling seem to be over or underrated. It either works like magic or makes things worse. Could counselling help build broken trust?
10. Divorce/Breakup:
In most movies or stories, once a partner is caught cheating, divorce/breakup up is inevitable.
PS: Myself and said Ex above mutually agreed to end the relationship, and I never heard from him again. Double ouch.... I'm okay.. I'm good 😊😊 but I'd love to hear from you guys.
How do you handle a cheat (good,bad or ugly).
Practiced any of the mentioned methods above? How did they work out ? Do share with us anonymously. Thank you!
Till next time, XoXo; RHD 💜
Nice review. For me, I actually ghosted the and moved on but it wasn't easy sh.
ReplyDeleteMoving on is never easy. Thank you for sharing!
Delete*sha
ReplyDeleteMost people in the comment will come out to form HOLY THAN THOUGH but forgetting that one way or they other they had once cheated. Like i will say, cheating is relative but not excusable.
ReplyDeleteExactly, no excuse for any party to cheat.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHmm! When I read the list on your post I could not help but sigh** umhm!.
ReplyDeleteTbh, everyone one's reaction to an action differs based on personality, experience, morals, beliefs, and fantasies. What works for Mr A might not work for Mr B. The deal is knowing you, your strength, and what you are worth. I will not dispute the fact that we all have moments of distractions, which in the actual world is not excused but called "cheating".
Sometimes, when we let our guards off knowingly or unknowingly, we will surely find ourselves cheating, flirting, or flinging.
I can only speak for myself regarding my reactions and expectation of my partner's actions.
Just as I understand that we are all humans prone to making mistakes, my greatest deal breaker in any relationship remains "disrespecting my feelings".
You can't claim to love me and consciously rub cheating on my face, you can't claim to love me and carelessly put up behaviours that will risk my happiness or repeat a mistake, hoping that I will keep forgiving you. You can't claim you love me and give another a better treatment of care, affection, or respect. Except that person is your family or blood. Yes, I sound selfish but it is what it is.
Disrespecting my feelings can mean many things just as the word "Cheating" can also mean many things to different people.
Not putting an effort to make things work from one partner is cheating on the other partner who judiciously puts time and effort to build the relationship. This is where bad blood creeps in. This is also how exposure and mistakes transport you to real cheating. (underrated Factors). Also, note; discussing your personal matters to a third party/opposite sex in some careless way without the consent or approval of your partner is also as cheating. #Killyourself lol
Like I said Disrespecting my feelings can mean many things, it can mean doing things that will rob me of my sanity, reputation or emotional stability, with a selfish intention to satisfy your ego, sexual desires, bad habits or financial needs.
For me, I focus on the intentions and not the actions but place a value on my worth. What I mean is this, yes, I can forgive for some certain reasons or issues but I will never compromise my worth or sanity for a partner's careless or selfish doings. Knowing your worth here means putting yourself in their shoes and knowing how good you've consciously built yourself to be a better you.
I know one thing for sure, the pain of letting go will always blind you from seeing how much of a filthy rag your cheating partner is, or how much they are less deserving to have u.
But when you're healed, trust me, you'll only have one question to ask yourself. "What was I thinking?"
My point is this,
Always know you worth in a relationship and remember no one is irreplaceable or indisposable, but always give room for your heart to love and forgive.
ko easy beyen o, but try.
A word from Bayo😘😘
Woooooooooooow. Thank you Bayo. 💜
DeleteThis one is another review on its own🤣🤣🤣
DeleteHmm... I'd go with options 8and9 while I say the part of the Lord's prayer that says "...lead us not into temptation but deliver us from all evil..."😁 cos for real, experiencing it can be heart shattering buh God makes ways too and with Him, NO-THING is impossible!
ReplyDeleteIndeed, God heals the brokenhearted. Healing may take time tho, but it will happen.
DeleteHmmmm, in a relationship(dating), I would say, look out for the early signs, cos they will always be there, confront you partner, if he/she is not willing to change, just break the relationship and move on.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly in marriage, but a bit tricky though, cos of this wrong mentality of "what God has joined together, let no man put asunder" which has wasted many lives (a discussion for another day). So I would say in marriage you can try a bit harder to save the union unlike just a relationship(dating), so when the sign started showing, confront your partner, seek advice, you can both go for counseling, but if all these still didn't work, I would say separation is just the best option, cos love is dead, and where there is no love, it can eventually lead to the death of either of the partners, as the Youruba would say "obirin to ban yan ale, ti ko ba pa ara e, a pa oko" meaning a cheating woman would eventually kill herself or the husband, and vise versa. So cheating is not something we can manage, it doesn't always end well, we are humans, emotional beings, except if we just want to deceive ourselves.
Thank you.
Hmmm... Thanks for sharing this. I see you subscribe to counselling and communication. Great advice!
DeleteI remember as a young guy, i always thought I will marry the lady I date first. Little did i know life was smiling at me in 3D😂. Only me and God knows what I want now - as a just act movies dis days
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll figure out what you need soon enough. 😁😁😁
DeleteFakson oooo 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteThis is really expository. No one has any excuse to cheat for all I know, and the truth is this, it is an intentional effort we must all make daily irrespective of all the factors that present themselves daily
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, people cheat mostly cos they think they are so strong and it can never happen to them. HADI HA HA I laugh in spanish. I practise what the bible says about fleeing, I see something is turnioniown in my chest I put the causer away from me, stop communications until my chest is back, if need be tell my partner gaan sef. Evil thrives in secrecy. So let not even look for corrective measures, let's be preventive. Ma please how can we even prevent this cheating thing. Looking forward to a post on that 😍😍
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your enlightening contribution. I sure would look into your suggestion. 😉
DeleteHmmmmmmm 🤔 💭
ReplyDeleteThank God I'm not a cheat.
🌚 🤝🏾 🤡 🙌🏾 😌 👌🏾
😉😉😉
DeleteNice piece 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
ReplyDelete