Shaking and Breaking tables: Changing for Love Edition.

Why do people change in relationships?

You start dating and they start to change on you.... Whyyyyyyyyy??

Ever dated someone who used to call all the time, spend hours in the phone, and suddenly they can't hold a 5 minute conversation any more? Yeah, it's like a bug going around. 

People change sometimes to 'Fit in' to their partner's persona...

He doesn't like long hair, cut your hair short. 

She doesn't like smokers, you 'try' to quit for her.

But.

As soon as you get into a committed relationship, these changes fall apart. 

People popularly relax once they start dating or get married..... 

So I did a little research plus some soul searching (from personal experiences) and concluded on a few reasons for the decline.

 

1. I got the girl/guy syndrome: This is when we don't feel the need to impress the other person anymore. After all, they said 'yes'. You're in the clear. This one could happen almost immediately, especially if the "chase" went on for a bit too long.... Or, when a couple finally get married. (Sometimes, it's even worse). Anyways, it happens.

So, no more date nights, phone calls till wee hours, surprise gifts, random compliments.. (He/she already knows, I already told him/her before)

Gary Chapman mentioned in his book "The 5 love languages" that there's something called the "In love" phase of every relationship. The couple loves and do everything for each other effortlessly and this could last for the first 6 months to 2 years of the relationship/marriage. But there after, it fades.

This is where the syndrome peeps in. 

Love don't come easy... Be intentional about loving. 

 So what keeps couples going after that? INTENTIONAL love. Not the one that comes with fireworks and butterflies in the belly, but the one where you have to wake up everyday and remind yourself to do, say or be something/someone nice to the other person. 

Are you at the "I got the girl/guy syndrome" phase of your relationship? Do check yourself and have a meeting with your mind... Talk to your partner as well. Then decide to do better if you want to keep that relationship. Cos it could be the beginning of the end if you don't watch it. 

Are you about to start a relationship? Beware of this Syndrome. Watch out for it, cos it will come. Fight it if you want that relationship to last. 

You've been warned. 😳

2. "Errr... I never really liked you that way" disease:

Now this one's a hard pill to swallow. When it happens, and we notice that they're not as responsive as they once were, we ignore what's really happening and try to convince them to care again. 

When a person is just "sport fishing" and not really vested in a relationship, or maybe just not ready to be in one, they'll definitely change if they start to get really close to someone.

This doesn't make them bad people, it just shows that we really should be in control of our feelings till we're sure both parties are on the same page. As we get to certain stages in our lives, we realise that love is much more than just a feeling. 

 Now there are bad people everywhere, and we all pray not to love one, but if he/she is changing on you, you might have to tactfully find out if they really cared about you in the first place. 

Did they ever tell you how much you mean to them? Did they mention/define your place in their lives or you just assumed you were a couple? There could be a rude awakening a short while later. 

Relationships are never black and white, so there's no formula to knowing it all, but you have to find out what works for you, whilst maintaining your sanity. 

3. It was never meant to be in the first place: Now, this is not a 'syndrome' or 'disease', it's just a statement of fact. Ever wondered why two people connect so well at first, then start fighting tooth and nail once they start dating? 

Sometimes, we mix up attraction for admiration. Perhaps, those two were meant to just work together on a project and remain friends ever after... But no, they had to ruin it by dating. 🙄

Some people get a rush from being chased (especially ladies) so, after a while, the rush dies down, and they feel they can make up for it by finally dating the person. Big formula for disaster. When this couple start a relationship, they'll realize (quickly, or painfully slow...) That they made a mistake acting on their attraction. 

Some people are just users, that's undeniable. These people were never meant to be on the radar in the first place... Aaaand they could be male or female. So, you crushing on someone? You still need to keep your eyes and ears open. 😉

Some changes could be good tho. 

We just need to be attentive to know which is which. 

Not all "change" should be feared or avoided. 

The person you're with should make you want to be a better person. 

So if that's the kind of change you're experiencing, then you have nothing to worry about. 

Big Hint: Before you go into a relationship, be sure you can cope with their character, attitude, and lifestyle. If you go in expecting them to change, you're setting yourself up for failure.

I think we can switch off the mic for now. 

Tell me tho, have you experienced a changing partner? What did that teach you about love? 

See you in the comment section.

XoXo: RHD 💜💜💜